such great h e i g h t s
by Kagome x Y a s h a
Summary: They will see us waving from such great heights. Come down now, they'll say. But, everything looks perfect from far away. Come down now, but we'll stay...
1. Savior, The Prologue

Dear Readers and Fanfiction, I had abandoned you for nearly four years. For that I thoroughly sorry. I got caught up in my life and trying to work on reality, instead of tangling myself in fiction all the time. It's been so long...

Anyway, I bring you a new beginning and something more realistic than my previous stories. And regarding those, I will be deleting most of them to start anew. There is more to life than just being a ninja and I am writing this to show you. 83

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto or any and all of its franchise.

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**Chapter Title**

_Savior, The Prologue_

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For the first time in my life, I am living for someone else.

There is no regret; no heartbreak story about childhood love and screaming my soul out for a person who just didn't give a damn.

This was nothing about demons and hosts and Akatsuki.

Not even being thrown into an endless loop of traumatic, life-changing situations that will surely tear apart my insanity by the time I'm twenty.

I am living for someone else.

Not for broken teams or the patients who die in their loved ones arms when I have done all I could to keep them alive. Not for foxes or corrupted surviving members of an even more corrupted clan.

I… am living for someone else.

Someone who loves me for everything that I am; who can reach inside of me and touch the bottom of my lungs, giving me reason to keep breathing. Someone without guilt or a dark side that I have witnessed on mirrors facing my friends.

I have found a person who I can cradle in my arms at night, whispering how it will all be alright and believing it myself for once.

I have found someone who I can call my own…

And who can call me…

Mother.


	2. The Bathtub Pity

Alright! A new chapter the next night! I'm on a roll for once.

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto.

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**Chapter Title**

The Bathtub Pity

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My fingers spread around my stomach; a boulder-like hardness and the image of an over-stuffed turkey replaces my flat belly.

I feel full.

I feel like I just ate my entire world and for dessert, a triple chocolate fudge brownie engorged with _'I can't believe this. Why did this happen to me? I'm such a damn screw up'_ filling. My fingers press onto the stretched skin, as if I believe that if I press hard enough, I'll feel movement under my fingertips. Like there would be someone on the inside knocking on the door of my uterus, wanting to come into this world.

I'm not ready.

As I stand in the middle of a bathroom, holding my stomach like a rubber, toy ball I'm willing to throw away, I realize…

I'm not ready.

"For Kami's sake, what's the hold up in there— Oh…" Her eyes lower instantly, as if she walked into something sacred and I look away. "Sorry," Is all I can mutter.

She shakes her head and crosses her arms, raising a thin eyebrow. "Jeez, girl. What am I going to do with you?"

"Kill me, I hope."

"No way, death is too good for you at this point. You'll just have to suffer through childbirth as punishment." This is why Ino is my best friend. I need that familiarity or else I would have let myself go to insanity the moment I knew.

I drop my hands to my sides and turn on the water for a bath, using the wall to come out of my sweatpants. Ino leaves door open as she goes to grab extra clothes for me. I am nearly out of my sports bra when she comes back with a simple maternity dress.

I'm more than surprised

Ino? Gossip girl of Konoha and self-proclaimed queen of diets and keeping up with the latest fashion has maternity clothes? She notices when my eyebrows raise and purses her lips unattractively. "They're not mine, forehead!" Oh, Ino and her quick temper…

"My mom never threw away her old clothes, because she treasures her memories like some old person with Alzheimer's." Ino rolls her eyes with a smack of her lips.

I'm grateful, anyway. The water is warm enough and it is almost paradise when it caresses my skin. It's like the water is washing away my ache and silencing the doubts, for now. Yet, I can still hear the constant inner mumblings of self-pity humming in the back of my mind.

I'm still not ready.

I can hear Ino plop down on the toilet seat lid with a deep sigh. "Sooo…" Her voice dragged out as if she's bored, but I know her. She's just dying to know the details of this new mind-blowing story. I settle my numbing body against the curved back of the tub and sink low enough for my chin to disappear. The water rose immensely from my weight.

She deserves to know, no matter how much I want to forget any and all details. I am the one who showed up on her front door in a disguise; only to drop my massive overcoat to reveal my even larger pregnant belly when the door was closed. The only response I could give her after her "What the fuck?" moment was, "Could I use your shower?".

"I don't know, Ino. I just don't know."

She didn't like that answer.

"What do you mean you don't know? Who the hell got you knocked up, Sakura?" Straight to the point, as always.

"I don't know." I sink even deeper into the tub.

"Saku—"

"Ino! Look, I… I just can't remember."

"Sweety, you're three months pregnant. How long were you planning on hiding this from me? From the entire village? Hell, from Lady Tsunade? That was stupid of you. I know you can break freaking buildings with a single finger, but you're not strong enough to deal with shit like this on your own."

"Thanks," I blow bubbles with my lips in the water. It's just more salt to the wound…

And it burns.

xxxxxxxx

I remember rain on the day I became eighteen.

It was a downpour that could have made the Hidden Rain look like a barren wasteland. I had a party at one of the bars in Tanzaku Town. It was Ino's idea and all I could do was go along with everything she said.

I remember…

I walked home. The strap of my slim-fit, scarlet dress would slip off my shoulder every few minutes. A hand… a hand that wasn't my own pulled it back to its rightful place with a gentleness I never knew of. Fingertips lingered longer than necessary as they glided down my arm and touched my elbow.

And… I laughed; let loose airy giggles and wobbled on heels I borrowed from Ino. That wasn't a good idea. I think the soles of my feet are bruised.

The person held an umbrella over us and a feeling of security was beautiful.

I stepped onto my porch and leaned against the door lazily, pushing hair out of my face and then…

A confession.

Lips on mine.

Door unlocked. Clothes roughed up.

I was so gone…

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R&R. 8D


	3. Emotions Are Retarded

Back with another chapter! 8D  
And only one review? Aww. Oh well, I gotta work towards being a good Fanfic author, again.

In this chapter, you will find surprises. Let's get it started!

Disclaimer: Do not own Naruto. We all know this.

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**Chapter Title**

Emotions Are Retarded

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"Okay, there's food in the fridge, help yourself. Just don't go buck-wild with your crazy cravings. I don't have the food supply for that, forehead."

I lean against the kitchen door frame, my hands subconsciously cradling my belly. I watch Ino skitter around; looking for things I can eat. She's going to a store near Tanzaku Market where they sell goods for expecting mothers.

Expecting mother…

Is that what I am?

This is still hard for me to get my head wrapped around.

"Hey! Forehead!" Ino snaps her fingers in front of my face and I frown. She squints at me and tsks her teeth sassily. "I'm only doing this, because I can't let you be in this pathetic state and people will look to me like 'why didn't you help her? Blah blah blah…'"

"Don't do this if you feel obliged to help me, Ino. It's insulting." Ignoring the fact that it also hurt to hear it.

"See what I'm saying? This is pathetic! You're not even in character, anymore! You're supposed to be like 'You're my best friend and you're going to help me, because I would do the same for you, Ino-pig' or some sappy shit like that."

I could almost see the desperation creeping in her eyes.

There are moments where I want to cry. Knowing that there is life blooming inside of me doesn't mean I could see unicorns and rainbows or flowers suddenly becoming more visible.

Late at night, these random feelings of unbridled grief cling to my conscious. The life I'm mothering becomes a burden; it becomes an extra weight of bad choices that I thought I left behind during my Team Seven days.

Arms slip around my shoulders and my face is buried in blond hair. "Things have changed, Ino. We're not little girls, anymore…" I whisper into yellow strands, feeling the tension in her grip and the constrictions in her chest.

This is another one of those moments.

And I just want to cry…

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Let's see. A body pillow, a few books Mom used to read, some sports bras, waist extenders… Jeez, this list is never-ending. Sakura had better appreciate all I'm doing for her. I never wanted to find myself in a maternity store until my time came, which wouldn't have been for a long time… I'm not the motherly type.

I don't think Sakura is either. Damn, what was that girl thinking?

I didn't think she would take my dating advice to this extremity.

Sigh.

All I want is for her to have a social life and stop cooping herself up in that hospital, only to make herself depressed with the raise in deaths lately. It takes her weeks to recover from losing a patient, but she keeps going back.

I could never do that… I could never face Death in the face and tell him that he's not taking a person today. But, she does.

She always seems to beat me at everything.

This is just another thing to add to the list.

But, for the first time…

I'm content.

"Oh, here's some nice body butter! Strawberry-scented, too; I bet she'll love this." I grab the last item on my list and tucking it in my arms. This should be enough for the first trimester.

"Hey, gorgeous."

Oh shit.

I nearly drop the items I'm holding to my chest when I look over my shoulder. A 'Pregnancy and Me' book manages to drop to my feet with a loud echo.

What the hell kind of situation is this?

"Sai! What are you doing here?"

I watch him bend down and pick up the book by my feet. He held it out to me and gave his usual closed-eye smile. The moment I take it, I could feel the heat radiating off his skin when his fingers brush against mine. Funny, I imagine him to be as cold as a vampire, not a walking radiator.

"I like to study the female anatomy; it's a hobby of mine. However, I never tried to draw a portrait of a pregnant woman."

"And you're here because?"

His brow rose. "What better place to come to?"

"You couldn't just sit in a park or something?"

He smiles, again, and it feels like he's patting me on the head for being so childish. I just want a diversion. This doesn't look good on me to be here. People will start questioning and Sai has been said to have as big a mouth as me.

"Though parks are nice, you mainly see women who already had their child. I have too many of those portraits."

"Oh, I see."

"And you?"

My arms tighten around the items. "And me, what?"

"Why are you here?"

It's weird how his blank, dark eyes can be so intruding without emotions. Sai has a cute face and the way his voice becomes smooth like chocolate gives me the chills! Sakura always gets the cute ones on her team. His lips begin to move, forming words I can barely hear and I forget how my mouth is on auto-gossip when I blurt out, "I'm here for Sakura!"

His eyes widen only by a fraction, but he's shocked. I know because of the sudden silence.

It suddenly becomes uncomfortable.

"I mean, yeah, I'm here for… her, because… she has a patient! She has a patient who's three months pregnant, but she's suffering financially. She needs help so I decided to pitch in." I wave him off with a perky smile that usually charms the boys in the village. Sai, however, is a different case. He's an enigma, which makes him all the more alluring.

Let's face it, girls like mysterious guys.

"That's your alibi?"

My fingers twitch as I grip the book tighter and pout. "What do you even know about an alibi? You hardly need to cover up anything, because you can't feel." I poke him in the chest where his heart should and he rolls his eyes. Sai? Rolling his eyes?

"I lack feelings, not knowledge."

"You're emotionally retarded."

"And you're lying."

"I am not! Now, if you will excuse me," I grumble with my head high and the tail of my hair hitting my backside. I feel his cool stare on my back as I purchase the stuff, but when I turn to leave, he disappears.

Damn, he's hot.

* * *

I end up eating ice cream with a side of rice balls filled with tuna, a slice of cake, and curry rice. I feel like a whale in this dress, like I'm not fit to be a shinobi anymore. I don't like the feeling of being useless; it's a feeling I've come to despise since my Genin years.

I sit on Ino's couch, a headband in one hand and a rice ball in the other.

There's a battle going on in my head and I don't know what to do.

I drop both on the table and press my face into the palms of my hands, burying my broken expressions into the creases of my skin. It's all coming down. All the chapters of my life are at my feet in a puddle of regrets and weaknesses. I moan in pain, sudden aches breaking me down.

What am I doing?

Then, I remember…

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_We are falling…._

_Falling, falling like leaves being caressed by sweet-smelling winds. _

_We are midnight lovers, watching the other from afar for so long, hoping to send our wet dreams to the other through our eyes when no one is looking. Until one night of celebration, we slip away from drunken, prying eyes from the bar._

_We dance in the darkness of my bedroom, groping for a surface to make love on._

_His hands…_

_They are the most breathtaking of his features. They are scarred, yet cradle my curves as if he's a sculptor making a work of art._

_He makes me feel good… like I'm wanted._

_For someone as lonely as me…_

_It's the best feeling in the world._

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R&R! :3_  
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